A Very Cookson Christmas

Christmas at Cookson is like nothing I have ever experienced before. Picture this. One living room, 8 kids, 10 stockings, the smell of cinnamon rolls, and presents on top of presents from people we don’t know. One word – blessed.

Around September the office asked our kids to come up with a list of things they would like for Christmas. Churches ask how they can help out during the season and the lists are passed out. Veteran house parents at Cookson warned me that Christmas is crazy, but I really didn’t know what they meant until I experienced it for myself. At least once or twice a week the office would call and say we had presents to pick up and each time I would be shocked at the amount we would bring home. Each one beautifully wrapped with a nametag attached. One church group even took the time to purchase a stocking for each family member and stitch their name on the front, which truly made my heart smile.

We celebrated our big family Christmas on the Wednesday before Christmas because many of our kids were able to go to their parent or guardian(s) to celebrate the holidays. I’ve now found the secret to waking up teenagers… PRESENTS and a 3-year-old saying, “Wake up! It’s Merry Christmas!” Before we opened presents Brandon read the Christmas story and reminded us all of the best gift we will ever receive, the gift of Jesus Christ. We then prayed and thanked God for all the people that made this Christmas special and how God brought us all together. Everyone then took turns ripping through the paper to see what treasures lay inside. It was priceless. We watched Christmas movies, ate lots of cookies, and had a great day just enjoying one another’s company. The evening ended with a hilarious game of charades that we still laugh about to this day.

After a day of recuperation half the kids went home to celebrate with their family of origin. Those who remained went with us to Rhema Bible Church in Tulsa and took a carriage ride through the beautiful Christmas light display. Christmas morning brought more presents and worship at our local church.

We celebrated the New Year by playing Apples to Apples, Spoons, drinking root beer floats, and a neighborhood silly string fight at midnight. As the year 2011 wound down, it made me stop and truly think about how amazingly blessed I am. This was a big year for us. I remember laying in bed at night in the spring praying, “God, I don’t want to go to Oklahoma! Are you kidding me? What do I know about Oklahoma other than the musical?! Why Oklahoma?!!!!” Each time feeling a peace that was beyond understanding pushing me with a gentle, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Now I look at each face. Hear each story. And my prayer is “God, thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for opening my mind. Thank you for helping me learn to love unconditionally.” I can’t imagine doing anything different. Don’t get me wrong. There are days I want to pull all my hair out. In fact, I have 3 gray hairs now! Even so, I am blessed beyond measure. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly I am starting to see growth, unconditional love, and hope. Pieces of my heart living under our roof that I didn’t even know existed until this fall. Thank you Jesus for knowing my heart and all the pieces I have and the pieces I haven’t yet got to meet. (Melissa)

Candy Land

Last week we introduced our daughter to the classic toddler board game Candy Land. It has been a lot of fun seeing her get excited about playing the game; she asks to play it at least 3 times a day! However, as an experienced Candy Land player there is some work in teaching my little rookie how to play. I find myself constantly repeating the following phrases: “draw a card”, “what color did you get”, “stay on your path”, “it’s your turn to move”, “oops, you skipped a color”, etc. Having played this game so many times the past week I couldn’t help thinking about how teaching Kaylee to play Candy Land is a lot like working with the kids placed in our Cookson family.

“It’s your turn to move”-
We can love the kids and encourage them all we want; but it’s up to the child to move. They are the ones that have to own their own stuff and decide to make a move toward positive change. We are constantly praying that God will change their hearts and give them the power to make the right decisions.

“What color did you get”-
Much of what we do here involves helping the kids learn how to play with the cards they were dealt. Some of our kids were dealt a bad hand and some chose one for themselves. We work on building trust with our kids. That trust allows us to have conversations about the choices they make and to get them to think about the possible consequences- good or bad- that may come as a result.

“Stay on your path”-
Each child that comes to Cookson Hills gets an individualized plan of care. The family of origin, the houseparents, and the social worker work together to help the student develop goals for themselves. This plan of care then becomes the path for the student to follow. We constantly refer to the plan of care to make sure the child is staying on the path.

“Oops, you skipped a color”-
As the students are traveling on the path, they sometimes miss some steps toward their goal. Referring back to the plan of care reminds the child of what they are trying to accomplish during their time with us.

We have kids all over the board. Some days our kids are doing well and moving along fine. Some days they choose the gingerbread card by making poor choices and they have to start back at the beginning. We have a couple of kids who are past the ice cream cone and are very near the end of their time at Cookson. We pray that they will take the skills they learned here at Cookson and use them as they walk though the rest of their life.

I am thankful for Cookson Hills. It is truly a place where children can grow and change if they want. It’s a place where it is safe for them to make a mistake and they are given the opportunity to learn from their poor choices. I’m thankful that children have a safe place where they can find help for their current situation, healing from past wounds, and the hope that they can change and have a better future. Most of all I’m thankful that I get to be apart of God’s work in this place.

Highlights from the past month...

So I have to be honest. The post below was started in October. Yes, over a month ago. I would get a chance to sit down, then the phone would ring, a knock on the door, a “mom, I don’t feel good”, or “can you take me to basketball practice?” Life as a house mom to 8 teenagers and a 2 year old is NEVER dull and the fact that I am talking about Halloween in December should prove that!

Around Halloween we had the infamous Cowboy Jamboree. I should have known that it was going to be a fun day when one of my boys spent all morning gluing toilet paper to his clothes in hopes of being a mummy who we affectionately referred to as “two-ply”. I laughed a lot on Saturday and greatly enjoyed the time we got to spend together. The singles ministry from Southeast Christian Church is Louisville, Kentucky came down to Cookson to run our annual Cowboy Jamboree. They brought candy, contests, candy, games, and more candy, in other words, everyone had a good time. J The day started off with a costume contest and chili cook-off lunch. I don’t think I have ever seen so many crock-pots with various chili varieties. Then the senior class held a pie auction and was able to raise right around $1,800 for their senior trip in the spring. After the auction, the group from Southeast organized stations for us to go to compete with our family. We did the sack race, baseball bats dizzy race, pumpkin slingshot, cow mugging, greasy pig catching, and many more things that required teamwork and laughter. We ended the night with a bonfire and dancing in the road by the barns, so needless to say, everyone went straight to bed when we got home. Thank you Southeast!

Each month we try to all go out as a family and do something different. With an age range from 13 to 17 with a two year old in the mix, sometimes we have to be creative. For November, we went to a corn maze in Arkansas. For two Indiana people, it was great to see corn again, but of course, the cows weren’t far away. For some of the kids it was their first time being in a corn maze and after spending lots of time being lost we made our way to the finish line. There we had a picnic, took a hayride, and lots of other “fall on the farm” type things.

A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving the Christian church in Grove, OK invited all of the Cookson childcare homes to an annual Thanksgiving Feast. We didn’t have to do anything but eat and there was more food then we could have imagined. Then they sent us home with leftovers and a large bag full of necessities for baking. Thank you for being a blessing to us this holiday season Grove Christian Church!

For Thanksgiving some of our kids got to go on a holiday visit to family or guardians while others stayed home with us. The “Jackson 5” that were gathered together on Thanksgiving went to a neighbors to enjoy the company of a total of 25 friends. We pigged out and ended the day with many games of Taboo and some CRAZY Black Friday shopping with Brandon. The holidays are good for the soul and an opportunity to give an honest reflection of all the blessings we have here on Earth amongst the chaos.

Thoughts from last night...

I'm in my room minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear..."Mom... (giggle).... Mom... MOM!!! (giggles) Come here! Hurry! (giggles) MOM SERIOUSLY, COME HERE!" More giggling... so I am thinking... Oh good gravy what kind of prank have they pulled on each other that they think I will think is funny. I walk into their room to music playing on the radio and, "Mom!!! They are playing our song!" It's "Under Pressure" by Queen. Just the thought of that being "our song" made me giggle a little because I like to randomly do the beat that Vanilla Ice stole. Then I got to listening to the words as I am dorky "mom dancing" around the hall and heard this part... maybe for the first time. "...love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night and love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves..." It dawned on me how much that part spoke to my life. God told me a year ago to go out on a limb on love. Loving God and loving people. Maybe that's why it's "our song". Because both of us "gave love a chance". Blessed.

Long time coming...

I am not sure how we have managed to not post in a month. Here are some highlights…

1. We have another family member! A houseparent couple finished up there 14 years of dedicated, selfless service and we were honored to get one of their previous family members. Our newest edition seems to be fitting right in and we feel blessed to have her.

2. Next week we will be gaining another family member and at that point we will have 9 kids, room for only one more. It’s hard to believe our house is filling up!

3. To enjoy the fall season we traveled to a farm where we went on a hayride, walked through pumpkin patch, and made a scarecrow that we affectionately refer to as Judy.

4. God is speaking to all of us through His word. Right now we are reading through Proverbs and through that book God gives us so much wisdom on how He expects us to act. Each morning we are reminded that we are so insignificant and God is so much bigger.

5. We had the honor of having a former NFL player, Lee Rouson, speak to our kids about his life transformation. He spoke truth in a way that only a NFL Special Team Player of the Year and two-time Super Bowl winner with the New York Giants could. One quote that seems to be a family favorite is when he referred to the Bible as “basic instructions before leaving Earth”. Thank you Mr. Rouson for sharing your heart for Jesus with our kids!

6. Each time we get a new family addition we have a family tradition where we have pizza the night they arrive and then the first Sunday they are there we go out to Taco Tico for fifty cent tacos after church. I am starting to think the workers there get a little antsy when they see the Jackson clan come through the door. This is how last Sunday went down… we park in our spot, get everyone’s taco count, and parade in. Half of us go to save our corner seats and the other half join me at the register. This is how the conversation went… “Hi, what can I get you today? I need 60 hard shell tacos please.
16?
No, 60.
Oh, as in six-zero? (As she looks over my shoulder and towards our corner)
(smiling) yep!
What she doesn’t realize is they were gone faster than they could make them.

7. The kids are currently on “special session” and next week is fall break from school. Our kids go to school year around so the schedule is basically 6 weeks on, 2 weeks off. One of the two weeks they have “off” gives them an opportunity to take a class not offered during the school year, like Art Appreciation, Oklahoma History, Horsemanship, or Life Skills. If a student does not take one of these classes, they could also schedule meetings with their teachers to get extra help when necessary. As a former teacher, I personally LOVE this set up.

8. If I could sum up what God has taught me recently it is a lot about what unconditional love looks like and how I can express it. I think we often feel that we think our kids know we love them, but do they? Do they know we love them when they lie to us? Do they know we love them when they sneak behind our back and do something stupid? Do they know we love them when they bring home an F? Do they think we will love them more if they tell us the truth? Bring home an A? I don’t want any of my kids to feel that my love will change for them over any of the above and I am realizing that whether we like it or not, they do often feel that way.

These are the highlights from the past month… according to me at least. I am sure if you asked other members of the family it would be entirely different. They keep me laughing, that is for sure. I am so glad God gave us laughter. It makes life so much easier on tough days. If you ever wonder how you can pray for us specifically my prayer each day is for everyone under our roof to fall more in love with Jesus and for them to truly find the hope and peace that can only come from having a relationship with Jesus. God is good.

Days Off

Each month house parents get four consecutive days off. At this point our placed kids go to another home on campus to change up their schedule and enjoy getting to know others on campus. For the house parents this is a time to relax; kick back with little to no responsibilities and rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit. The days leading up to our first “days off” while having kids in our home was filled with weariness, yearning for a little time to nap and just enjoy some quiet time. When the day came we took them to their home away from home and did a little skip back as I realized the freedom I now had. And then it happened. Not an hour into my joyous “days off” I began thinking, “I wonder how they are doing in school? Did he remember to turn his homework in? I hope he remembers his assignment notebook. Oh no, she left her jeans on the drier; someone’s clothes are going to be stinky. Well look, there is a football jersey still hanging up, looks like we will be getting a phone call on Friday. She would be so jealous if she knew we were having cheeseburgers without her!” I could go on and on and on. Needless to say, I thought about our kids all the time and missed them like crazy. They have completely made their way into my heart. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly I have found them to be true sons and daughters of my heart. At the end of the time away I was overjoyed to hear one rush through the door saying, “DAD! YEAH! It feels so good to be home.” And another saying, “Oh look, MY BED! WAHOO!!” Rest is good for everyone's soul. (Melissa)

3 more on the way

A neighboring couple completed their work as houseparents and move out this week. While we are sad to lose our neighbors and the relationships built with them (especially between Kaylee and their children), we are very excited that some of the children formerly living with them will be moving into our home. In about a week we will grow from 4 children to 7! We we are looking forward to experiencing life with them. So now we are really rolling with the growth of our Cookson family. We are humbled by the opportunities that God is presenting to us and how He continues to use us.