Mother's Day

It’s the last day of May and I have been reflecting on the month. In just one month we sang “Happy Birthday” at least four times, celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary, swam in the Illinois River for the first time this summer, and went bowling as a family for the first time. Honestly, that barely touches on what we have done this month. With all these fun times were also some very hard times as you can imagine. But the day that will forever be etched into my heart was my first Mother’s Day as a house mom. Sure, I’ve had other mother’s days that were special, but this day was different on so many levels. It started with me having a hard time dealing with my emotions. How could God call me to fill such big shoes in so many lives? I felt so insignificant and Satan was attacking at my mind in so many ways. Mother’s Day brings out many emotions for many of my kids because of what it means – and to all of them it means something entirely different. On top of that, my mom, who means the world to me, is 1,000 miles away. I kept praying, “God get me through this day!” This is supposed to be my day to relax and enjoy my family but it was so hard for me to do. I just kept praying. “God, get me through this day.” I woke up to many loving hugs and “Happy Mother’s Day” comments. We went to church together, I didn’t have to cook or clean anything all day, and I got thoughtful cards. We watched, “Princess and the Frog” which was a gift from one of my high school boys who saved his allowance. I got beat at “horse” quite a few times on the basketball court, as some of the others were inside making dinner. I got to Skype with my mom. Then I got called in for dinner. I knew they had something up their sleeves and I was honestly a little nervous. As I went inside I had a vase on my dinner plate with flowers inside (from the yard down the street) with tons of pieces of paper also inside and around it. On each piece of paper my kids each wrote things that they loved or appreciated about me. The first one I read said, “I love how it’s the little things that make you the happiest.” I couldn’t even read another. It broke my heart into so many pieces. I never dreamed in a million years that I would be spending this Mother’s Day with so many emotions and feeling so very blessed to be where I am. I am more convinced now more than ever that these kids and families are not just at Cookson to get help, hope and healing, but in turn they are providing that for me as well, much more than they will ever know. My oldest daughter decided last week to take all the pieces and glue them on canvas so I will always have them to look at. She said she isn’t finished and wants to paint something on the sides but this is what it looks like now, and as you can imagine, I love it.

Saying Goodbye

It’s springtime. Tulips, sunshine, mowing, campfires... Summer is just around the corner and our winter blues are dwindling. Everyone enjoys spring, right? I am quickly learning that spring also brings graduation and with that comes mixed emotions as many students complete their time here at Cookson. It is very bitter sweet in a way. You watch a child come into our care confused and looking for answers in all the wrong places and over time watch them grow to become a young adult with tools in their belt to help prepare them for the world. You just pray that something clicked and as they venture out into the world that they are able to use some of the tools they have learned to help them make Christ-like choices.

Last fall we had some students join our family from other homes on campus, some of which were well into their plan of care. Which means that, even though we’ve been at Cookson a relatively short time, earlier in February and again in a few short weeks we will say goodbye to a member of our family.

It comes with a lot of mixed emotions. We are very happy for what they have accomplished. We celebrate their success and are excited that they achieved the goals that they had set when they first arrived here. However we are also sad that we are losing a member of our family. Each child brings something to the house and everyone’s personalities mix to create our family “vibe”, so to speak. The young man that will be leaving in a few weeks is a leader in our home and is always willing to help out when needed. He has a smile and a sense of humor that will not be forgotten. He is very respectful and expects the same for those around him. He has big plans and we look forward to seeing them blossom. With a sad but proud heart, we will all say goodbye to a great big brother.

We aren’t the only ones saying goodbye to someone we love. Many goodbyes will be said in the next few months throughout campus. Through the tears, smiles, and well wishes my prayer is that they are able to move forward knowing they are loved by someone much greater than us. Someone who will stay with them no matter how many miles they are from Kansas, Oklahoma. The Creator of all things bright and beautiful desires them to draw closer today, tomorrow, and forever. (Melissa)

Christian College Classic

After we rang in the New Year it was time for our family to get ready for the Christian College Classic. The classic is an annual event that brings basketball teams (men and women) from various Christian colleges to play each other in a 3-day college basketball bonanza. This year, teams from seven colleges arrived on campus including: Dallas Christian College, Ozark Christian College, Nebraska Christian College, St. Louis Christian College, Kentucky Christian University, Lincoln Christian University, and Manhattan Christian College.

We had the privilege of hosting the women’s basketball team from our alma mater, Kentucky Christian University (KCU). When I say we hosted them, I mean we hosted them (all 18 of them!) in our home during the classic. You may think that it’s crazy to have 28 people in your house and to be honest I did too before they arrived. However, I think it is safe to say that having KCU in our home for the classic was one of the most enjoyable things we’ve been apart of in our time at Cookson.

I cannot praise the KCU Lady Knights enough. Our kids really enjoyed getting to know the team especially Kaylee; she melted quite a few of their hearts! One of our kids said that it was fun to meet college students that were a good influence and that they could look up to. Melissa and I knew coach Arnett from our days at KCU so seeing him again was a pleasure. He has done a fantastic job coaching up his team of girls both on and off the court. The girls were very respectful and fun to have in our home and they were ferocious ball players on the court. They won all three of their games with impressive performances. Our family had a blast cheering for KCU!

Our kids are already talking about next year’s Christian Classic and asking if we can host the Lady Knights again next year. We too are looking forward to next year and hope that KCU will be able to return to our home.

To read what the KCU Lady Knights had to say about the Christian College Classic click here.

A Very Cookson Christmas

Christmas at Cookson is like nothing I have ever experienced before. Picture this. One living room, 8 kids, 10 stockings, the smell of cinnamon rolls, and presents on top of presents from people we don’t know. One word – blessed.

Around September the office asked our kids to come up with a list of things they would like for Christmas. Churches ask how they can help out during the season and the lists are passed out. Veteran house parents at Cookson warned me that Christmas is crazy, but I really didn’t know what they meant until I experienced it for myself. At least once or twice a week the office would call and say we had presents to pick up and each time I would be shocked at the amount we would bring home. Each one beautifully wrapped with a nametag attached. One church group even took the time to purchase a stocking for each family member and stitch their name on the front, which truly made my heart smile.

We celebrated our big family Christmas on the Wednesday before Christmas because many of our kids were able to go to their parent or guardian(s) to celebrate the holidays. I’ve now found the secret to waking up teenagers… PRESENTS and a 3-year-old saying, “Wake up! It’s Merry Christmas!” Before we opened presents Brandon read the Christmas story and reminded us all of the best gift we will ever receive, the gift of Jesus Christ. We then prayed and thanked God for all the people that made this Christmas special and how God brought us all together. Everyone then took turns ripping through the paper to see what treasures lay inside. It was priceless. We watched Christmas movies, ate lots of cookies, and had a great day just enjoying one another’s company. The evening ended with a hilarious game of charades that we still laugh about to this day.

After a day of recuperation half the kids went home to celebrate with their family of origin. Those who remained went with us to Rhema Bible Church in Tulsa and took a carriage ride through the beautiful Christmas light display. Christmas morning brought more presents and worship at our local church.

We celebrated the New Year by playing Apples to Apples, Spoons, drinking root beer floats, and a neighborhood silly string fight at midnight. As the year 2011 wound down, it made me stop and truly think about how amazingly blessed I am. This was a big year for us. I remember laying in bed at night in the spring praying, “God, I don’t want to go to Oklahoma! Are you kidding me? What do I know about Oklahoma other than the musical?! Why Oklahoma?!!!!” Each time feeling a peace that was beyond understanding pushing me with a gentle, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Now I look at each face. Hear each story. And my prayer is “God, thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for opening my mind. Thank you for helping me learn to love unconditionally.” I can’t imagine doing anything different. Don’t get me wrong. There are days I want to pull all my hair out. In fact, I have 3 gray hairs now! Even so, I am blessed beyond measure. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly I am starting to see growth, unconditional love, and hope. Pieces of my heart living under our roof that I didn’t even know existed until this fall. Thank you Jesus for knowing my heart and all the pieces I have and the pieces I haven’t yet got to meet. (Melissa)

Candy Land

Last week we introduced our daughter to the classic toddler board game Candy Land. It has been a lot of fun seeing her get excited about playing the game; she asks to play it at least 3 times a day! However, as an experienced Candy Land player there is some work in teaching my little rookie how to play. I find myself constantly repeating the following phrases: “draw a card”, “what color did you get”, “stay on your path”, “it’s your turn to move”, “oops, you skipped a color”, etc. Having played this game so many times the past week I couldn’t help thinking about how teaching Kaylee to play Candy Land is a lot like working with the kids placed in our Cookson family.

“It’s your turn to move”-
We can love the kids and encourage them all we want; but it’s up to the child to move. They are the ones that have to own their own stuff and decide to make a move toward positive change. We are constantly praying that God will change their hearts and give them the power to make the right decisions.

“What color did you get”-
Much of what we do here involves helping the kids learn how to play with the cards they were dealt. Some of our kids were dealt a bad hand and some chose one for themselves. We work on building trust with our kids. That trust allows us to have conversations about the choices they make and to get them to think about the possible consequences- good or bad- that may come as a result.

“Stay on your path”-
Each child that comes to Cookson Hills gets an individualized plan of care. The family of origin, the houseparents, and the social worker work together to help the student develop goals for themselves. This plan of care then becomes the path for the student to follow. We constantly refer to the plan of care to make sure the child is staying on the path.

“Oops, you skipped a color”-
As the students are traveling on the path, they sometimes miss some steps toward their goal. Referring back to the plan of care reminds the child of what they are trying to accomplish during their time with us.

We have kids all over the board. Some days our kids are doing well and moving along fine. Some days they choose the gingerbread card by making poor choices and they have to start back at the beginning. We have a couple of kids who are past the ice cream cone and are very near the end of their time at Cookson. We pray that they will take the skills they learned here at Cookson and use them as they walk though the rest of their life.

I am thankful for Cookson Hills. It is truly a place where children can grow and change if they want. It’s a place where it is safe for them to make a mistake and they are given the opportunity to learn from their poor choices. I’m thankful that children have a safe place where they can find help for their current situation, healing from past wounds, and the hope that they can change and have a better future. Most of all I’m thankful that I get to be apart of God’s work in this place.

Highlights from the past month...

So I have to be honest. The post below was started in October. Yes, over a month ago. I would get a chance to sit down, then the phone would ring, a knock on the door, a “mom, I don’t feel good”, or “can you take me to basketball practice?” Life as a house mom to 8 teenagers and a 2 year old is NEVER dull and the fact that I am talking about Halloween in December should prove that!

Around Halloween we had the infamous Cowboy Jamboree. I should have known that it was going to be a fun day when one of my boys spent all morning gluing toilet paper to his clothes in hopes of being a mummy who we affectionately referred to as “two-ply”. I laughed a lot on Saturday and greatly enjoyed the time we got to spend together. The singles ministry from Southeast Christian Church is Louisville, Kentucky came down to Cookson to run our annual Cowboy Jamboree. They brought candy, contests, candy, games, and more candy, in other words, everyone had a good time. J The day started off with a costume contest and chili cook-off lunch. I don’t think I have ever seen so many crock-pots with various chili varieties. Then the senior class held a pie auction and was able to raise right around $1,800 for their senior trip in the spring. After the auction, the group from Southeast organized stations for us to go to compete with our family. We did the sack race, baseball bats dizzy race, pumpkin slingshot, cow mugging, greasy pig catching, and many more things that required teamwork and laughter. We ended the night with a bonfire and dancing in the road by the barns, so needless to say, everyone went straight to bed when we got home. Thank you Southeast!

Each month we try to all go out as a family and do something different. With an age range from 13 to 17 with a two year old in the mix, sometimes we have to be creative. For November, we went to a corn maze in Arkansas. For two Indiana people, it was great to see corn again, but of course, the cows weren’t far away. For some of the kids it was their first time being in a corn maze and after spending lots of time being lost we made our way to the finish line. There we had a picnic, took a hayride, and lots of other “fall on the farm” type things.

A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving the Christian church in Grove, OK invited all of the Cookson childcare homes to an annual Thanksgiving Feast. We didn’t have to do anything but eat and there was more food then we could have imagined. Then they sent us home with leftovers and a large bag full of necessities for baking. Thank you for being a blessing to us this holiday season Grove Christian Church!

For Thanksgiving some of our kids got to go on a holiday visit to family or guardians while others stayed home with us. The “Jackson 5” that were gathered together on Thanksgiving went to a neighbors to enjoy the company of a total of 25 friends. We pigged out and ended the day with many games of Taboo and some CRAZY Black Friday shopping with Brandon. The holidays are good for the soul and an opportunity to give an honest reflection of all the blessings we have here on Earth amongst the chaos.

Thoughts from last night...

I'm in my room minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear..."Mom... (giggle).... Mom... MOM!!! (giggles) Come here! Hurry! (giggles) MOM SERIOUSLY, COME HERE!" More giggling... so I am thinking... Oh good gravy what kind of prank have they pulled on each other that they think I will think is funny. I walk into their room to music playing on the radio and, "Mom!!! They are playing our song!" It's "Under Pressure" by Queen. Just the thought of that being "our song" made me giggle a little because I like to randomly do the beat that Vanilla Ice stole. Then I got to listening to the words as I am dorky "mom dancing" around the hall and heard this part... maybe for the first time. "...love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night and love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves..." It dawned on me how much that part spoke to my life. God told me a year ago to go out on a limb on love. Loving God and loving people. Maybe that's why it's "our song". Because both of us "gave love a chance". Blessed.